You know how sometimes things don’t go quite as planned?
I love words, proofreading, and editing, but I never thought I would be writing a book.
I live with my husband on a small farm with A LOT of chickens, a horse, cats, and a goose. We have a mother raccoon that just LOVES to have a litter here every year and an occasional possum that tries to camp in the barn. For some reason, I have been inspired by the orneriest critter of the bunch to star in my children’s book. Can you guess?
I wanted to add geese to our menagerie. But everyone told me it was a bad idea. “Whatever do you mean?” I would say. “I will care for them like my children, and they will love me like their mother.” So I got three beautiful Embden goslings. On a sad note, I lost one baby from stress. But I had two beautiful babies to raise into kind, lovely geese. Challenge accepted.
I held them, walked, and talked with them daily. They grew quickly and said, “Good morning, mama” to me each day. When it was warm enough, we assembled a pen outside so they could swim in the baby pool and eat fresh grass. Man! Could they eat!
Each day they seemed bigger than the day before. They would follow me as quickly as their legs could carry them and never let me out of their sight. I was their “mama” goose. They charmed me from the very first, and I was convinced they were perfect! I was raising these goslings into the most loving and respectful geese. No meanness or back sassing allowed. No way were they going to grow into grumpy ‘ol grouches that flap, chase, and pinch!
My beautiful babies grew into graceful white geese. The most handsome of boys. I carried a bench to their sunny yard and kept them company as I read my books. It was like The Sound of Music out there. Can’t you just hear the singing and see them gracefully waddling across the perfectly manicured green lawn? Harmony with nature, I say!
(cue annoying record scratching noise) Reality check… Everyone and their opinions were about to prove me wrong.
Those handsome boys turned into ruffians. They stopped respecting me and my space. They would chase, try to pinch, and complain. Talk about complaining! They honked and bit….ed about everything! You can’t come into our pen! Why did you just open our door? Shouldn’t you be bringing us apples, lettuce, or garden treats?
RIGHT… Especially after you cornered me, and I had to yell for help. Sadly, but fortunately, cornering me wouldn’t happen again. We lost one of the boys for some reason we couldn’t diagnose. I now only have one white Embden goose. I will dote all my affection on him! He will be the sweetest boy because of my love and attention.
But this joker had other plans and took revenge, mostly on me, for the loss of his brother. He fired up his snarky attitude and spit it on anyone who came near. He is an evil thing, and I hear what you’re thinking. They told you so.
I wasn’t giving up, and I can report that “Sassypants” and I have come to an understanding. He now knows I’m not taking any more sh..t from him. I stared into his beautiful blue eyes one day and used my sweetest mama voice—you’ve all heard your mother when she uses “the voice”—and explained precisely how well he would fit into my largest crock pot.
He now behaves himself, quite respectably… as long as I’m holding the broom to shoo him away when he starts making that hissin’, Hannibal Lecter sound.
So, there you have it. That “little bundle of joy” has inspired me to write a children’s book. Didn’t see that coming. LOL.
No worries, I say. If things don’t seem to be going quite as planned, who knows, maybe it’s just a detour you were supposed to take all along.
Disclaimer: Names and places were changed to protect the ‘ignorant.’ No animals or writers were injured during the making of this blog article. ;D